My Helmet, My Rifle, My Dirty Uniform

2007-02-22T07:57:00.001-08:00

ORD
对很多新加坡男生
这是人生中重量级的日子
它不但意味着自由
也代表了新的人生旅程的开始
再也没有永恒的操步
再也没有无限的纪律
再也没有扰乱思路的头盔
再也没有沾满泥土的绿衣

其实
Operationally Ready Date
严格来说
是一种解脱
也是一种责任
这日子真正代表的
是一批又一批的男生
成为了由训练的“战备军人”
象征国家又有一批男生
能够捍卫国土
尤其大多数男生
都是在ORD 那年
真正步入成年
不再是幼稚、冲动的小男孩儿
在这特别的一天
这些“战备军人”
即使没有亲生经历过战争
至少体验过作战的痛苦

虽然不幸的是
世上诸事事与愿违
国防部希望“战备军人”们都能积极参与时候的演习、训练
往往人们都想走为上计
毕生逃离那艰苦的绿衣生活

不过，在人人都觉得好玩的逃避游戏在进行当中
实际上
还是有许多士兵
依然会奉命报到
或许是宪法的规定
或许是自愿地回来
这些成群结队的“战备军人”们
组成了一个又一个“战备军营”
我知道
因为我亲眼见证过

当一群生活忙碌的成人
卸下工作
一窝蜂的聚集在同一点
从甲制服
从演历史
即使体能不如往日
心态也不同
目的却相同：
叙旧当儿、完成任务

国民服役
并不因为ORD而结束
而是在ORD
进入另一阶段

我为这生命的一章谢幕前
在此呼吁所有能干的男公民
积极对待国民服役
国家兴亡，匹夫有责
这老掉牙的谚语
不要等到失去自由
才亲身体会
全职服役的体验
纵然会有点无奈感
但责任依旧要担当
逃避只会影响彼此的参与率
曾经一起经历过的搭档们
都需要你我一起
再次经历
再次奋斗
在身体还能够的当儿
好好维持体能
为自己的健康和体魄感到骄傲
也为军事防卫近一份力
因为这是你和你家人
共同创造的家园

再见 OCS
再见 1 Guards
再见当兵的伙伴们
再见我所有上司
再见跟我合作过的man
但愿我们在下一次ICT重逢

ORD ORH!!!

2006-10-24T00:24:00.000-07:00

你是我的小猫咪
这只猫咪
外表坚强
内心寂寞

你在朋友面前
是个很有主见的女强人
很知道自己在做什么
别人的劝告
只不过是劝告
你始终相信自己的直觉与判断

坚强的猫咪
在家中
也是一个任性的女儿
爸爸说什么
就任有他去说
妈妈做什么
就任由她去做
反正你会有自己的应对的方法
绝对不会轻易对爸妈认输、让步

一个人的你
因为一直都很信任自己
所以没有让别人看看这一面孤单的你
女人都需要别人去爱
尤其独生女
更厌倦寂寞
更需要爱人陪伴
更加相信爱情

所以这一期间
那一段感情的问号
给你带来了不少的创伤
再加上那份执著任性
加深了创伤所留下的痕迹

我一直相信女人是生来让男人疼的
所以爱情是女人的所有
天意让我认识了你
更让我对你留了情
我只好任命
在我存在的当儿
让我抚摸你的伤口
满足你的任性

你知道我是个自有主张的工作者
同时又是个随和的同伴
做事、要果断
对人、不必太计较
我从来没有迁就得不耐烦
我人就是这样
我允许摸擦、不相信争吵
因为差异必存
只不过要理智处之
让小事上了大雅
就不值得
毕竟一段感情要有摩擦
才有了解、体会

在我不在你身边的这18 天
我担心你劳累的心灵没人安抚
担心你痛苦的回忆没人聆听
担心你把这脆弱的你
又封锁在心灵深处
让伤口又隐隐作痛

所以我交待Michelle
在这几天里
要好好看着你
也跟张妈妈说
要常常带你去逛逛
促进母女关系
虽然有她们陪
也无法帮你什么
但至少我能安心
知道你不孤独
至少在我不在的时候
依然让你感到有人爱护

小猫咪
我真的很想照顾你

等我回来好吗？

2006-10-14T22:02:00.000-07:00

理智
情绪

你知道你在用哪个处理事情吗？

是不是该静下来
摆脱当局者迷的困境
看看到底做什么决定
比较对得起自己

世上没有正确的答案
只有比较担当得起的选择
不要一时让荷尔蒙冲昏了脑袋
做出以后觉得很不应该的抉择

委屈又何必非选不可
折磨又何必给别人摆布

幸福是选择
勇气需要时间

时间是你的
取舍由你挑选

不要伤了自己

2006-10-09T09:57:00.000-07:00

乌黑的发围盘成一个圈
缠绕所有对你的眷恋
搁着半透明的脸嘴里说的语言
完全没有欺骗

屋顶灰色瓦片安静的画面
灯火是你美丽那张脸
终于找到所有流浪的终点
你的微笑就输了疲倦

千万不要说天长地久
免的你觉的我不切实际
想多么简单就多么简单
是妈妈告诉我的哲理

**
脑袋都是你
心里都是你
小小的爱在那城里好甜蜜
念的都是你
全部都是你
小小的爱在那城里只为你倾心
**

乌黑的发围盘成一个圈
缠绕所有对你的眷恋
终于找到所有流浪的终点
你的微笑就输了疲倦

千万不要说天长地久
免的你觉的我不切实际
想多么简单就多么简单
让我大声的对你说
i'm thinking of you
**

那回城的票根
你留做纪念
不必害怕面对离别

剪掉一丝头发
让我放在胸前
走到那里都有你陪
相随 yeah yeah~~
**

拉拉拉拉拉~~~~~拉拉拉拉拉

乌黑的发围盘成一个圈
缠绕所有对你的眷恋
那一种寸步不离的感觉
我知道就叫做....缘

2006-09-16T22:05:00.000-07:00

你我的人生中
总有同样的阶段，不同的故事
不同的经历，同样的成长过程

因为不同的经历，和不同的性格
造就了不同的你，和我

但
纵然经验不相同
有你给的支持
有你给予的关心
有你呈献的谅解
这崭新的道路
有了动人的暖和

难得8年感情
一夜间又再次温暖了你我的心窝
感激你们的在乎
感激你们的接受

接受一个在经历一场
从来没有体验过的旅程的我
在乎我这时的脆弱的我的感受
给予我非常需要的支持

但愿在生活的篇章
久久留着你们的足迹

2006-08-12T02:30:00.000-07:00

its great to see the National Day Parade come to an end

this time i c it not as a spectator

to many, it's just another public holiday
where the family can chill out together
where pple who likes atmosphere can attend a national event

yet
how many of us realise that it is an event
that is more than a birthday
where whole nation celebrate?

it is a day where the nation is most vulnerable
the nation's most important pple are there
ALL of them
gathered in 1 single location
it just takes:
1 explosive
1 sec
to make the country leaderless
a million people to panic,
a million citizens to lose faith in the country's leaders' reliability
a million foreigners to throw away the impression of the country's stability
and a million days for the country to regain its reputation
that it has built a million hours ago

how many of us understand
the level of security works
the amount of hardwork
the number of networking
the countless of watchful eyes
that is going on inside, outside, beyond and above the actual day itself?

every sucessful NDP
is a reassurance to the leaders, the country, the citizen
that our people are able to organise a peaceful event

every successful display
is a reflection of our national goals
a showcase of our military power and discipline
the energy and unity of the nation
from schools, public, military, police, food caterers, contractors, media
all working as one
going into 1 mood
that is the celebration of the nation

it is indeed impressive
and proud
to see your own homeland
developing into a renown country
whom superpower like USA do take notice of,
growing economy China wants to work with,
Arab countries like Saudi Arabia wanna learn from,
More ulu countries like Chile wanna sign Free Trade Agreement,
whom even north korea treasures relationship with

mere 41 years
its just like having only 1 year experience in a business world
yet other companies give recognition to you

yet this is not abt 1 company
where profits and gains takes priorities
and members only add up to mere 100

it is about one whole nation
where finance, social stability, environment, education, military defence, homeland safety, national development etc
all gain the same footing and carry the same weight
and its citizens sum up to millions
from newborn babies, to thinking adults, to dependant senior citizens
from chinese, malay, indians, eurasians, to many other races
so many factors
yet a prosperous society

for those who runs a company
or even a class
or just work with a partner
we should know how difficult it is
for pple to really work together
heart to heart...

...now think abt working the whole nation

for many who don't realise ur own situation
where u stand, where u can contribute
u're probably thinking of why didn't the government do this and that
why such problem occur
who should take the blame
how disgraceful and unprofessional things are getting
how to make complaints sound nice
and when u can migrate to another land
where u think u will be more appreciated
where u think is more comfortable
where u choose to lead a i and myself life

what you don't know is
how important u r to the society
how ur efforts play a part
how lucky u are
and you don't know that
humans needs to work as teams, big or small
humans do make mistake
decisions are not as simple as it seems to those of the lower level of involvement
u r probably pampered by the society

I am proud to be a Singaporean
and i wanna do my part
and i know it is small and insignificant
but i know it counts
at least to those other Singaporeans around me

What about YOU?

2006-07-26T08:27:00.000-07:00

i've reached a point in life
where i think my job is really damn dispensible
redundant
in fact, i've never thought much abt my appointment

they call it company 3IC
which means the 3rd in command basically
but sometimes
it just doesn't help
if u have equal experience as ur colleague
n given a higher appointment

anyway
i trained to be a platoon commander
it sucks to later not be able to apply what u use
n be confident abt it
it ends up that i have to take up a role i haven never been taught
a role anyone can take
a role that everyone can overrule n overwhelm
a role that has not much decision to make
but have to find others for decision
a role that is last minute created due to excess officers
a role that makes u feel SPARE

yeap that's me n my role

well sometimes i do feel myself itchy backside
if u give me a responsibility
don't expect me to sit still n let nothing happen
i'll go look for soemthing to do, something to settle
sitting down n wait is not my kind
but turns out
this role
u have to sit n wait sometimes
n it sucks to c things getting in ur way
but u can't make immediate decisions
cos though i'm the 3rd in command
conflict with 1st n 2nd in command still stands
yeap
n so wad is there to command after all?

--------------------------------------------------------------------

life is starting to become a bore
no motivation
no life
no sharing
no feeling of someone concerned abt u

it can be environment
it can be inner self

but in any case
there's no drive,
no purpose
productivity is all time low
memory is all time least
i guess its a form of depression
but something that we normally don't recognise.

i needa find back that stimulant
........soon

2006-07-16T08:22:00.000-07:00

its long since i've seen them
pw, 4hao, kk, km
long since we've been together
long since we've sat together n laugh non stop about crap
n talking nonsensical nonsense which makes no sense
n has no purpose at all

yah no purpose at all
n its been long since i've sat down
do things that doesnt have a purpose
everything is done cos something have to be done

i'm sick n tired
tired of having to shoulder responsibilities
upholding image
everything that makes me not myself
everything that the society needs
everything that the other wants
everything that push u away from urself

i need a break
a break where my inner self can emerge to those around me
instead of the always on the ball
the always serious me

i miss being myself

2006-07-15T07:32:00.000-07:00

today i witnessed what is called the clash of the titans
i'm in green n i'm amongst the blue
when home team vs defence team

i'm the only soldier around and is supposed to answer to a bunch of policemen with each 1 question
its become like an interview
there are times where 4 questions needs to be answered in 1 min.
1 person to answer to 5 people
1 person to answer for 10 over people
almost drove me mad
but no! i tahan!
ultimate tahan spirit!
though i'm expected to give answers
but i can't make decisions myself
some sort of messenger
but others are too busy
n i'm expected to help make decision
so some sort of middle man
wadever it is it just suck to sit down here n wait for answers
sit down here and wait to be questioned
neh mind, i strong!

well it's not the point

2006-07-05T01:26:00.000-07:00

so how much do girls know abt the army?
sometimes, its really a waste that all girls know abt army
is chiong sua, book out/in, sergeant officer, boring, chao geng....
but they'll never know take cover/foxtrot romeo, , alert red, pc ps encik, comaradarie, seow on...

its a sector of a male's life in singapore that we won't forget
but unfortunately it is also something that the female counterparts won't understand
we can't blame any one in particular
sometimes guys don't tell so much
sometimes such topic can get boring

as much as we do not know about cosmetics
our lovely girls do not know about army
sometimes, to bridge the gap, we really needa communicate
which is not only talk
but have the patience to listen
which we often only have either

i guess that's y they came out with the book
Man are from Mars and Women are from Venus
lets hope one day we can all be from Earth

2006-06-06T08:20:00.000-07:00

in sadness, i will bring you happiness;
in happiness, i will share all my happiness with you

in poverty, i will make our love rich;
in wealth, i will make sure our love is never poor

in sickness, i will see that you gain health;
in health, i will nurture you

and there you go
another sister getting married happily
this time the sis who plays with me the most
the one i get frustrated over the least
the one i share most nonsense with
the one who only talked to me for some particular reason when she was younger

nostalgic to kind of part with her
but happier to c her in the arms of a man she trust
though this couple always like to have little qualms over the funniest and most insignificant thing on earth
but still, they tickle each other after some argument

wish that her life thereafter
will be as sweet as the day of marriage
.....................................................................................................

2006-06-03T07:39:00.000-07:00

10/06/06
在这全球瞩目的一天
太阳靠边站
整个太阳系将不再以太阳为中心
整整一个月
地球将会绕着足球旋转
全球上下将会以同样的语言
欢庆这澎湃的一月
这才叫真正的“普天同庆”

德国
我们又要为你而团结！

-------------------------------------------------------------------

To all my sergeants:

u are the most make-things-happen team i've seem so far
u never fail to deliver
never fail to control the situation
never fail to obey

we officers owe u proper, thorough and effective planning
allowing chances for u all to run around salvaging the situation
is all our mistake
nothing to do with u all at all

ur proficiencies and competence
only make me worry abt the company
once u all ORD
the new sergeants better be as competent
if not better

most of us are NSF
i dun see y we shouldn't put in as much effort as u guys
to uphold the standard of the company
it hurts to see cock up coming mostly from the officers side
n worse still when u all are screwed for it

here i give my promise
i'll keep a watchful eyes over u all
u all don't deserve to take the shit we leave behind

keep up the good work
u r the best sergeants
a sergeant can be

your 3IC

-------------------------------------------------------

she made me think of her
after the night dancing with her
she's not so attractive
but her eyes sure did attract mine

this is the 1st time i dance with a stranger in a club
well i would say it is a positive experience for the 1st time
n the goodness is lingering on my mind

angela, where r u??

2006-05-19T18:24:00.000-07:00

i haven't really understand wad being a officer in the military means
in cadet school, it seems like an officer has to know everything
from learning the most basic weapon, to the most advanced
everything was a touch and go concept
learning wasn't so reinforcing
so when it comes to weapons
my sergeants are really the ones who are more handy

when it comes to understanding my soldiers
my sergeants are 3 months closer to them
it seems hard to find a job to occupy myself with

after 1mth in my Bravo Company
i start to understand
wad role i play in the whole hiearchy

there's a line in the officer's creed
"i answer for the training, morale and discipline"
looking at it, there's only 3 factors
but when it comes to experiencing it
it really encompasses a long list of events

training
its basically making sure the soldiers are fit and proficient in their skills and drills
but in detail, it is the quality of training
sometimes, spending too much time or too little just undermines efficiency
too little time, the soldiers will be more than happy to have a longer rest
but nothing is reinforced
too much time, the extra time spent will be redundant
this affects morale
as to how much is too little, and how little is too much
who is supposed to know?
its like teachers in school
how much time are we goin to spend?
how much will they learn within this lessons?
what are we goin to do to maximise learning
in military, drills are the least interesting knowledge n skills that u wanna pick up in live
something that isn't stimulating,
cos there's no real bullets shooting at u from in front
and soldiers tend not to imagine
cos of the mental fatigue they experience during training
there's a balance we have to attain between incorporating reality
and safety to our training
in the past, there's so many safety issues brought out to the media
that the organisation cannot over look the the future trainings
n becos of this factor
reality has to be much compromised
i'm not negating safety
but it poses a difficulty to training
and it is something we have to overcome and devise
until virtual reality comes available
we will continue to struggle with the trainings

morale
simply, it means the psychological and emotional condition of our soldiers
last night i watched a documentary on the battle of chernobyl
many reservist was activated to carry out some repairs in the highly radioactive structrue
many were relunctant to go
knowing the outcome of the activity
but all pushed on anyway
in military
it is this answer for duty that we wanna achieve
this understanding that it is our duty, and nobody elses
that push our people to work harder
in this generation
we all know that a conventional war is not about to happen
yet, as a contingency organisation
we have to go thru all the training
to act as a contingency for the country
many of my soldiers fail to see the light
being negative in every single thing to do with the military
thinking that this 2 years is a waste of time
finding every fault they can in the organisation
i agree that certain negative feelings are personal and subjective
yet many others are due to incompetency or negligence of the officers
and that is something that affects the morale of the troops
therefore it is these little details
be it careful planning to minimize time wastage,
explaining the ratinale behind activities,
painting the bigger picture for them to appreciate the situation,
making them realise their worth and importance of they individual role
all these affect the morale of the soldiers
and the amount of trust they put on the commanders and the organisation
and that is the everyday duty of us officers

discipline
something that requires firmness, righteousness, substantiativeness, and a sharp eye
many associate discipline to foot drill session
the "attention!" ,"stand at ease" portion of the military
in fact, it involves their daily activities
discipline ensures they hide properly behind trees when shooting their enemy,
just like playing hide and seek
discipline ensures they bring their important items out for training
so that they won't have the problem of disrupting the progress of the mission
discipline ensure that they do not point their rifles at their own frens
causing unnecessary injury, guilti-fying deaths, that their commanders have to answer for
discipline ensures that the soldiers take care of their own personal health and hygiene
even in the most unpleasant environment
so that they if they do fall prey to anything
it will be the enemies' bullets
and not their own physical deterioration
discipline encircles every detail of a soldier
to upkeep his best physical condition
and maintain his mental fitness
and it is our duty to supervise and ensure
this discipline becomes part of their lives

2006-05-12T04:21:00.000-07:00

it was a total dread when i knew i'm posted to 1 Guards
1stly it has a convertion course which many feared
2ndly the idea of chionging xtra was not my cup of tea
3rdly i was posted as a mortar platoon commander
after training for 9 mths to be a rifle platoon commander, it sucks to know that u can't apply wad u have learnt, but have to relearn more things
lastly the fact that being a trainee for another 1 mth doesnt seem to arouse me esp when i've been a trainee already 1 year of my life

the next thing that happen was
they told me i was no more a mortar platoon commander
i've spent the past 1 mth psyching up myself
picturing the good things that i can have as a mortar PC
now they break my mind by telling me i'm goin to a rifle company

then the next thing that happen was
i'm posted as a 3IC of the company
that means that i am 3rd in command in that building
but it also meant that i din have a platoon of soldiers attached to me
interacting with men have always been what i wanted
to see the world
to understand where i stand
to understand how we can help one another
everything that i din wanna happen simple came to me

2006-02-05T01:10:00.000-08:00

she reminded me that its been so damn long since i've sat down and have a nice chat with a female fren
talk n laugh at each other's joke
see each other's point
enjoying the whole conversation

just a call
we haven't seen each other yet
n the way we can clique convinced me that this fren of mine is gonna be an interesting one

i consider her a birthday present
a birthday present that i havent seen
that comes in such a subtle way
at such a accurate timing
n the fact that her birthday is 1 week later than mine
makes the whole coincidence even more intriguing

its interesting how certain things happen in ur life out of the blue
don't u agree?

2006-01-28T09:25:00.000-08:00

新年快乐 -- 小虎队&优欢乐团

好喜欢看你坦白的眼眸
一片蔚蓝晴空
四季还有夏和冬
谁说只能作朋友

多希望和你同一个星座
唱著同样的歌
当我真心爱上你
天地也会变温柔

Chorus*
让我鼓起所有的勇气
向你说声新年快乐
(我也好想听你诉说)
不管天上的云怎么笑
路上行人怎样看我
(让我牵著你的手)
爱情都会有点紧张
都会有点彷徨
(不要紧张不必彷徨)
许多害羞的话还有一年慢慢地讲

让我鼓起所有的勇气
向你说声新年快乐
(向你诉说新年快乐)
不管天上的云怎么笑
路上行人怎么看我
祝我们快乐*

2006-01-27T10:48:00.000-08:00

恋爱ing -- 五月天

陪你熬夜聊天到爆肝也没关系
陪你逛街逛成扁平足也没关系
超感谢你让我重生整个o r z
让我重新认识 love (l o v e! l o v e!)

Chorus*
恋爱i n g happy i n g
心情就像是坐上一台喷射机
恋爱i n g 改变 i n g
改变了黄昏黎明
有你都心跳到不行*
(黄昏黎明整个到恋爱i n g)

你是空气但是好闻胜过了空气
你是阳光但是却能照进半夜里
水能载舟也能煮粥喂饱了生命
你就是维他命 l o v e

未来某年某月某日某时某分某秒
某人某地某种永远的心情
不会忘记此刻 l o v e！
l o v e! l o v e! l o v e! l o v e!

2006-01-24T08:16:00.000-08:00

Back To School

it is a walk down memory lane
looking at those jc students sitting at the benches
doing not-serious-things together in the not-so-serious time
simply reminded me of myself n my frens merely 2 years ago
just-dun-wanna-tak-chek feeling
wanna get involved in every other thing but studies
looking back
maybe i'll be a better student if i'm one right now

caught up with mr chow chow
n learnt abt the education evolution in singapore
n realised how teachers nowadays needa be kind of a supaman
organise, teach, educate, discipline
wad he shared totally shattered my confidence n dream of becoming a teacher
which i will in 5 years time
i realy wondered, after 5 years, what will be the motivation for me to teach
now i wonder if signing with moe is a good choice after all
after being in the army for the past year
i understand the meaning of discipline
n how this word is a problem to many youngsters
wat's more, the people i'm gonna teach
r not students who are so well of like us in the so called premier schs
but pple who have different backgrounds, different mentality
passing on knowledge is goin to be my secondary job
instilling discipline will be the overwhelming duty before i can impart my knowledge

2006-01-24T07:48:00.000-08:00

Ex Crescendo -- Ridges, dry air; hot days, cold nites

its the last overseas exercise for my officer cadet course
the last time we're goin to foreign land
not knowing what kind of weather and terrain to expect
last time we need to pack our kit bag
last time we're goin to leave home for nearly a month

it is also the last time that we're goin to have this open-bunk system
one whereby u can c everybody else on the bed across the room
the last time your 1 comment can tickle 30 over pple all across the room
cos once we're back to OCS
we'll be in our own 2-men bunk
n once we commission
it'll be a whole new feeling

end of crescendo marks the ending of a long long course
one that stretches over 9 mths
it also marks the ending of a learning phase
from now on we're expected to perform
and the end of chances to know each other better
cos only in overseas exercises, will we really go through difficult situations
n laugh at the way one another respond to the situation
it marks the start of taking up responsibility
one that everyone shuns when there's a chance
n even the most not-serious few begin to understand the need of serious tones

it is indeed a wonderful experience
much more wonderful than brunei
cos the air is dry, perspiration doesn't stay long
cos the wind is cool, it gears us up to fight on longer
cos the night is cold, all the heat that we accumulated in the bod disappears when we fall alseep
though we had a few disgusting experience with some of the disgusting instructors
we'll never forget the beautiful scenery and exciting experience that came along
especially the starry starry night sky that engulfed our views during our last exercise
and bathing from the long basin where everyone is forced to c everyone else's crown jewel
also the dog which chased our vehicle for up to over 50 m
and not forgetting the 3 pretty ladies -- thai silk, wandee & hot mama
AND mr/ms jenny our beloved TRANNY (harlooorr, thir-teee foour)
who never fail to be our common centre of attraction

all good things must come to and end
including this trip
cos better things are waiting for us

i love Crescendo

2005-12-30T10:01:00.000-08:00

Social Nite

the programme was good
wad i brought back
was more than good

i realise i m a perfectionist
thats y i get disappointed easily
the mc's cock up realy pissed me off
in a way she din't cock up, cos she used her plan n exercised discretion
but in another, she din tell us the plan at all before mixing up all the prizes
i totally dont have to mood n energy to make myself high then
in hindsight
this is not my first time in feeling the similar disappointment
everytime i'm around to take charge
i'm bound to have it
it must be u perfectionism
its time to laugh things out and throw expectations away
less scrowning, less frowning
more smiles n taking things lightly

i really admire melvyck n michelle
their splendid voice is just a small part
its their ability to express themselves to each other that i really marvel
thru songs, thru their voices, thru their smiles and conversation
u noe wad they're feelilng inside
tt's something i needa long time to muster
expression
i guess my whole family faces the same problem
we don't express ourselves sufficiently
so explodes or hides
or do things silently
not like conversing
u do not let out wad urgently needs to go
u do not let out wad others need to hear
instead we let them waste time inferring
spend effort waiting
sometimes, waiting just spoils the mood too
sometimes, expressing just reduces negative hormones
someitmes, expressing is the one solution
and i feel constipated
not 1 time, but many times
failing to pass the message i want others to know
instead, force it down and build up more negative hormones instead
haha... that's me
n it took me quite a long time to realise.

really appreciated my date jingting
she did more than just beingi there
she chatted, she listened, she understood and she helped
despite my frequent disappearance to attend to situations
really wanna thank her alot of times
like i told her, not every date is as great as she can get!

i'm very proud of the decorations and ambience of the ballroom
its very satisfying to c ur own ideas morph into solid and visible scene
i enjoyed social nite!

2005-12-24T05:54:00.000-08:00

平安夜

浓浓的浪漫气氛
静静的安定感觉
给人一种憧憬爱情的欲望

街道上人潮汹涌
成双成对的情侣
心中却是平定的

橱窗外细雨绵绵
星罗棋布的住宅
家中却是暖暖的

红色的毛帽
绿色的小树
缤纷的礼盒
构成了白色的圣诞

多个节日当中
最喜欢的
就是圣诞

Merry Christmas!!

2005-12-23T10:32:00.000-08:00

有时候
真希望有人
有耐心
有兴趣
慢慢了解自己

因为世上太多
胡乱下判断、
不给人机会、
对周遭人物没兴趣的人

人不怕犯错
更不怕面对挫折
最怕别人不了解
这一举一动
这一片苦心

我就是一个例子

2005-12-10T10:24:00.000-08:00

数百顶军帽
被数百名初出茅庐的军官
抛在刚降落的夜幕
一切训练后的辛酸与泪水
都随着帽子
冲上云霄

又是新一届见习军官的毕业典礼
和以往的典礼不同
这次的毕业
不光是目睹了一切程序
更感受到了气氛
因为这次
有两个终生好友在内

一个一句话也不说
应该说
一句话也说不出
就紧紧拥抱了一阵子
一个忙着找帽子
和军衔
两种不同的反应
都有同样的感觉

我也是见习军官
我了解他们内心的那份澎湃

2005-11-23T19:51:00.000-08:00

The Greens, The Mountains, The Mud --- BRUNEI

it is the toughest 2 weeks i have ever experienced all my 19 years of human life
never had i climbed mountains that high with heavy load all over me
never had i walked in the rivers and mud for 4 days consecutive
never had i felt so weak before

..................................................................
we started with navigation exercise
for our team of 8, there was no instructors
which means we navigate all the way ourselves
a map, a compass, a counter, a GPS (Global Positioning Satellite)
that's all we had to make us safe

it is the 1st time we ever seen a leech
disgusting creature that simply won't go away
unless u burn it or smear something prickly on it
and leaves behind a wound that doesn't stop bleeding

it is our 1st time we sleep in hammocks
hammocks r the cleanest place to hide in amongst the dirt n soil
n the 1st time we trust our groundsheet
cos it sheltered us from the torrental rain that lasted 1hr or so everyday
keeping us cosily dry in our cosy hammock
i promise next time i go beach, i'll bring a hammock with me
i fell in love with hammocks thereafter

but walking 4 days consecutive in the forest is not wad a normal cityman can take
every step u take, u feel the mud
sometimes, walking in the murky river is our only choice
river that is waist deep
and having the illusion that leech might be crawling in our boots
it isn't a nice experience at all
other than the fact that our concept of river have changed
and our level of experience in navigation has increased

by the 3rd day
i was missing home
i was telling myself i'll bring my mum n sis for a good meal once i reach home
n i was asking myself
what the heck n i doing this for
putting myself in such discomfort and disorientation
fighting with the haunting leeches
meddling with mud
surrounded by funny creepy crawlies
is it really worth it
does it contribute to "defending the nation"?

the day i took the helicopter away from the forest
i looked down into the thick, vast greenery
n i told myself
i never want to go into that maze
that disaster land
never again
...............................................................

2005-10-30T06:48:00.000-08:00

长大了
耐性少了
火气大了
容易累了

突然间
心胸变得狭隘了不少
不知道是聪慧了
还是自私了
但在现在的世界里
再也容纳不了别人的天空
不像以往
有人需要帮助
就尽力而为

耳朵也似乎缩小了
嘴巴扩大了
只爱倾诉
却没兴趣聆听
自然而然
交朋友变得更难

最近二姐和三姐到欧洲游玩
家里剩下老妈和老爸
但老爸白天出门工作
留下老妈一人在家

在军校里常担心老妈会寂寞
恨不得马上回家陪伴她
但每次回到家
老妈没完没了的小故事
又让我觉得不耐烦
不是我不想
只是代沟
真的构成了我们彼此沟通、了解的问题
频率全然不搭
老妈又每次都很没有计较地洗衣服
我不忍心给他那种不耐烦的表情
却又不能耐心的聆听她的大小故事

妈呀，我也不晓得怎么去处理

留在家中
就只有电脑最了解
最能配合我的心情
但每次对着电脑
在家好像跟不在家一样
有机会跟老爸、老妈谈
又觉得没什么好谈
反而找朋友讲

不知道老爸、老妈怎么想
是无奈？是习惯？
还是真的不介意？
我看我是不会懂

老姐们不在家
家里冷清了许多
每回家
好像进了鬼屋
这周末老爸老妈去外公家
本来约朋友出门
却最终取消了
留我独自一人在裕廊东
我才发现自己多么害怕寂寞
害怕没人可以聊
害怕没人说话
害怕没人陪伴

我是一个喜欢热闹的人
老实说
是一个习惯群众生活的人
和一群朋友在一块
可以生龙活虎
但跟朋友一对一
就难免会自我封闭些

总觉得大众前的我
和一个朋友的我
和面对孤独的我
是三个不同的人

一个是疯癫的
一个是严谨的
一个是悲观的

三个不同的我
不多人认识
也不多人都看过

可能是今天孤独了太久
所以满脑沉重的思绪
才会写出今天的小日记

明天又要回到军校报道了
希望又能活跃起来

2005-10-13T08:33:00.000-07:00

幼儿园

在军校
很矛盾地
很多见习军官都很被动
很不合群
很多人都很以自我为中心
根本没把大众放在考虑之内
身为19岁的男子
身为以身作则的见习军官
很多同僚反而不会身出局外
为自己的行动作决定

很遗憾地
整队20余见习军官
在工作、学习的时候
一点活力都没有
反而只有在玩乐的时候
才生龙活虎
当然
玩乐当而
谁不起劲?
只是他们一点也不懂什么叫限度
不知道怎么控自己的情绪
只有在长官的惩罚、教训之后
才会有那一霎那的觉悟
过了一会儿
又幼稚起来

有时候很累
需要一而再，再而三的提醒自己的同僚
要维持自己的纪律
好像跟小孩说话似的
如说话不要太大声
集合时别讲话
一些基本的礼貌和纪律
都要同僚来提醒
真的让人厌倦
而当中又有不少爱事事当笑话的捣蛋王
我不是在批评他们的幽默
只不过过分地施展自己的幽默
和在不正确的场合发挥自己的才华
实在是愚蠢

不认识我的人
就因为我的认真
把我误会过度严肃
却没发觉自己不认真

有时候
做好人不好受
好好提醒
好好劝说
却不见效
对别人好
未必会被人了解
也不会被人接受、认同

下一次
我不会再做好人
我不会再控制自己的舌尖
也不再呵护别人的豆腐心
希望一时的创伤
会带给这些熟睡的宝宝
一个清醒的机会

有时候，很想回去自己的安乐窝
回到所有旧同学的欢乐之中
至少他们
除了会发狂
还会懂得什么叫认真

2005-09-25T05:24:00.000-07:00

朋友，你们还好吗？

长大了
大家都长大了
友情已经改变了它个人的感觉

大家都有自己的东西忙
要抽空出来聊聊天都不容易
即使出来了
感觉也不同了
不再像以前那样废话连篇

应该是因为大家都累了
奔波了数星期
要出个门也需要很多时间和力气

应该是因为大家环境都不同了
每天面对工作、生活
要霎那间调整思维
在跟这些熟悉又有点陌生的人物联系
也是很费力气的

或许这就是长大
该分道扬镳了
该为自己生活打算
没有太多余力去理会别的
朋友曾经分享过
但现在最重要的
还是自己的生活

这不算是自私
这是对自己负责
谁也不能怪谁

那就你忙你的
我忙我的
就算不能时时刻刻陪伴
更不可能一天到晚照顾

但至少我们还有彼此
在彼此心灵的深处